Personal Experience Spotlight: “J”

Out But Always In
You’re bisexual.
You don’t fit in anywhere.
The gay community is biased against you.
You are greedy.
You have a choice.
You are untrustworthy.
The straight community doesn’t understand you:
You are confused
You want an orgy
You are untrustworthy.
You hide behind “gay.”
It’s safe.
It’s okay to be gay.
The gays accept you because you are one of them.
The straights accept you because you are a hot lesbian.
When you take pride in being bisexual,  you become less than both groups.
You’re not allowed to bring your boyfriend to a “girls” party.
Even though other couples are there.
And gay men.
You can’t live with your boyfriend. You just met him.
But sure, move in with your girlfriend.
You’ve known her a week.
You can’t talk to that friend.
Why?
You used to date her/him.
So?
It’s weird. I can’t trust you.
Why?
I just can’t.
She is now a He.
He is my boyfriend.
This is okay.
Only if he passes.
Only if they know he’s trans.
You’ve spent a lifetime seeking a partner that understands you:
Highschool…
You hid behind the greedy.
You hid behind the orgy.
I can be with girls if I have a 3some.
Focus too much on the girls.
Dyke.
I wont be teased if I give a blowjob.
Slut.
College…
You take pride in being bisexual.
You’re a trend..
You push through it.
You own your identity.
I AM bisexual.
Then your first real girlfriend can’t trust you.
How do I know you’re not going to leave me for a man?
You don’t.
How do you know I won’t leave you because you’re an asshole?
I did.
You go to gay bars trying to fit in.
You look too straight.
Hide the boobs.
Braid your hair.
Wear a tie.
You go to straight bars to have fun with friends.
You are uncomfortable.
Get groped.
Get roofied.
Get out of there.
Your career becomes your identity.
You work hard.
It’s the only thing you’re proud of.
You talk only about work things with work people.
When are you getting married?
When are you having kids?
When are you going to give me the report you owe me?
Bitch.
You now have 3 identities.
Complete with matching wardrobes.
Getting dressed is a chore.
Who am I today?
You try to unwind with the life you built for yourself.
You are successful.
You have notpeople.
You are healthy.
Your family is there for you.
Something is missing.
You crave a partner in life.
Someone who understands you.
You don’t want to die alone.
You don’t look.
You do you.
They find you.
On paper you are the ideal partner.
You have your shit together.
You’re kind.
You’re pretty.
You’re guarded.
You put out what you expect.
You don’t have time for games.
You are honest.
Too honest.
Suspiciously honest.
Something has to be wrong.
You’re obviously hiding something.
You are.
You’re hiding your pride.
You’re scarred from proclaiming your love.
You rely on quotes to share your feelings.
You keep your relationships private.
You’re sick of being judged.
You want to live your life.
You want to love who you love.
You hold everything in.
You only reach out when things are bad.
Really bad.
They don’t know the good because you don’t tell them.
Leave him.
Leave her.
There’s better out there.
Where are they?
Who are they?
Will they trust me?
Will I always have to defend myself?

Many states.

Many years.
And it’s all the same.
You are untrustworthy.
Because you’re bisexual.

© J for Acceptance Revolution, 2019


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: